


How Sauron Stole Eä

by Elisif



Category: How the Grinch Stole Christmas! - Dr. Seuss, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:35:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26135110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elisif/pseuds/Elisif
Summary: Every being in Eä, liked peacetime a lot,But Sauron, who was also in Eä,Did not.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	How Sauron Stole Eä

Every being in Eä, liked peacetime a lot, 

But Sauron, who was also in Eä, 

_Did not._

Why Sauron hated Eä, the Middle Earth region,

Now please don’t ask why, no one quite knows the reason.

It could be that he saw the smallfolk as chattel,

It could be that he hated their incessant prattle,

But I think the reason, (and I’ll die on that hill)

Was _Ash Nazg Durbatuluk, Ash Nazg Gimbat’l._

But whatever the reason, as orcs chew on gobbets,

He stood there on Barad-Dur, _hating the hobbits._

Staring down from his eye with a sour, eye-ish frown

At the warm lighted windows below in their town,

For he knew every Hobbit, down at the Green Dragon,

Was happy, allbe they with pint or with flagon.

“And they’re toasting their shire,” he snarled with a sneer,

“It’s already the third age! The fourth’s almost here!”

Then he growled, with his eyelashes nervously drumming,

"I must find some way to keep Hobbits from coming!”

“For soon, I am certain, them and their Strider,

Will get into Mordor, by horse or by rider,

And then the hobbits will party, with smokeleaf and cider, 

If there’s one thing I hate, all the CIDER, CIDER, CIDER!”

“And then they’ll do something I hate, none-be-bar’d

They’ll those menfolk will coronate King Elessar,

And the tallfolk and smallfolk, from aleph to zeta,

Will all begin singing, tenn’ Ambar-metta!”

And they’ll sing! And they’ll sing! And they’ll SING! SING! SING! SING!”

And the more Sauron thought of this fellowship thing,

The more Sauron thought, “I must stop this whole thing!

Why for twelve thousand years I’ve put up with it now!

_I must find a way to stop hobbits from coming! But how?”_

Then he got an idea! An awful idea!

Sauron got a wonderful, _awful_ idea!

And he laughed as he called out for crossbow and canon,

“I’ll lure them to fight at the Gates of Morannon!

All I need is a mouth,” and Sauron looked around,

But since Sauron was an eye, there was none to be found.

Did that stop Sauron? No, the eye simply said:

“If I can’t find a mouth, then I’ll make one instead.”

So he took an old man, and he took some black thread,

And he tied a big mouth on the top of his head.

Then he gave him a horse, and an axe and a sword,

And to the Black Gate, he did send him toward.

And as the mouth grabbed its sword, as it started to shove,

It heard a small sound, like the coo of a dove.

It turned around fast, and it saw a small hobbit!

Peregrine Took, or Pippin the hobbit!

A Took who was only the size of a goblet.

It stared at the mouth and said, 

_“Annatar, why? What did you do with our ringbearer? Why?”_

But you know, old Sauron was so smart and so slick, 

He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick.

“Why my sweet little tot’, and it patted his head,

“Your ringbearer and his companion are dead. 

“I have Frodo’s shirt, in my saddlebag here,

I killed him up there, then I brought it back here.”

And his fib fooled the hobbit, it started the battle,

And the swordsmen and axemen all clashed with a rattle,

Then the orcs took the field and they started to spar,

“And now,” thought Sauron, “we will kill Elessar!”

_And what happened then? Well in Gondor they say,_

_That Sam Gamgee’s great heart grew three sizes that day,_

_So the strength of the smallfolk at long last came through,_

_And then Sam found the strength of ten hobbits, plus two!_

“Pooh Pooh to the hobbits!”, the Great Eye was humming.

“They’re finding out now that no hobbits are coming!”

“They’re just wearing out! I know just what they’ll do!”

“Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,

Then the smallfolk at the Black Gate will all cry _Boo Hoo!_ ”

“That’s a noise,” said Sauron, “That I simply MUST hear!”

So he paused. And Sauron put a hand to his ear.

And he did hear a sound rising over the gate,

It started out small, and it then became great.

But the sound wasn’t sad! Why, this sound sounded… glad!

All the smallfolk in Ea, from alpha to zeta

Were singing. _Singing tenn’ ambar-metta!_

And Sauron with his eye fixed on Mordor below,

Stood puzzling and puzzling

How could it be so?

They came without ponies!

They came without rides!

They came without bannermen, guardsmen or guides!

_He hadn’t stopped the Hobbits from coming-_

_They came._

_Somehow or other, they came just the same._

And as Mordor was split, and itself apart tore,

Sauron thought of something he hadn’t before.

Maybe Eä, he thought, isn’t just about war.

Maybe Eä, perhaps, _means a little bit more._

And now that his heart didn’t feel quite so tight,

Sam flew back to Gondor, in bright morning light

With a smile to his soul, he descended Mount Doom,

Cheerily shouting “Who! Who!” threw the gloom.

He flew past the lava, he flew past the dragons,

He flew into Gondor, he brought back their Baggins,

He brought back their peace, and their era of pleasure,

They rebuilt Osgiliath, and they reclaimed their treasure,

Sam brought everything back, things from zeta to theta,

And he, he himself, the Gamgee, sang _tenn’ ambar-metta._

_Welcome smallfolk, bring your cheer,_

_Cheer to all those far and near._

_Middle Earth is in our grasp,_

_So long as we have hands to clasp._

_Middle Earth will always be,_

_Just as long as we have we._

_Thank you hobbits, while we stand_

_Heart to heart and hand in hand._


End file.
